Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I could fuck to npr.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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