Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
