Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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