I murdered the dance floor call the cops
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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