all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
