Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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