Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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