The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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