tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
