coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
P.S. I can't hear my feet
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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