this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
