I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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