oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
