I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
