She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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