i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
His nipple licking is glorious
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