So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
