my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
