He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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