so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
