you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
