Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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