we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
