I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
