they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
