Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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