dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And the cops told us we were all naked.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
