I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
