he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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