Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
