Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
