I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
