I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
