I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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