At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
