You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
