I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
