Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
