last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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