Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
