I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
