so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
