Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
