I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
