I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
how does that bad decision feel?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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