lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
