Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
