i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
