The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
