It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
