He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
