Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
