So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
